The Official Male Sensitivity Test
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a. Lovemaking. b. Screwing. c. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. b. Your blood-test results. c. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that: a. Your partner climaxes first. b. You both climax simultaneously c. You don't miss the start of the match.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a. Healthy, creative love-play. b. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to. c. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: a. The best part of the experience. b. The second best part of the experience. c. £50 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: a. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. b. Not a problem, she can join your gym. c. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: a. A myth. b. An oxymoron. c. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as: a. An appetizer is to entree. b. Primer is to paint. c. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a. "I hope we can still be friends." b. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." c. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: a. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. b. Is uptight and a waste of time. c. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man. If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy; you're a little confused. If you answered "C" more than 7 times: "You DA MAN!!"
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